Random Stranger: Hey Hi, where is your Son studying ?
Random Stranger: Hey Hi, where is your Son studying ?
‘Teach your Sons’ seems to be the next big tagline. Much hyped, much exaggerated, much-needed, much abused.
“Margarita Mamun dedicating her Olympic Gold to her Father who died just days after her Glory” was one of the best videos I saw today.
The emotions of Ms Mamun warmed my heart. It felt good. Her dad in heaven sure must have rejoiced.
I can never complain that I did not have enough time to dedicate a glory to my father.
I spent full 30 years with him, enough time to make him feel proud of me a hundred times. But I never did. He never complained. But I never did. But again he never expected.
I never studied well, to dedicate Scholarships to my Appa.
I never fared in Sports to dedicate Gold Medals to my Appa.
I never ever did anything that would bring him any glory.
For all that I did to him, he graced me with such love and faith , that will shame me to my grave. Yes, that’s the word. He gave me the greatest gift a Dad could ever give. He believed in me.
He loved me so much, that even after his passing away, I live only for his love.
His love is interwoven in my nerves, in the core of my heart. Such extraordinary love for a commoner like me. I was a commoner in my eyes, but for Appa I was his world.
If not for my Father. If not for that love and faith that did not expect any dedications or honours or the least a mention of his Child’s greatness, I would have been nothing today.
But I will Appa, I will dedicate.
Dedicate, few moments of Kindness that you always inspired me to.
Dedicate few hours of Prayers of Thankfulness that you always practised.
Dedicate some forgiveness that you would love to see me do.
Dedicate a lifetime of humbleness that defined you.
For you were a Father who accumulated a lot of wealth for me. Wealth called Love, simplicity and Education.
You took pride in a very simple disorganised little girl for her imperfections.
You picked up the broken pieces of your failed daughter and moulded her to be the woman she is today. You did not give a chance to look out for Inspiration. You were the Inspiration within me.
You looked through an Imperfect Soul and rejoiced in it instead of ridicule.
I was just a little Glorified Nothingness, that you adored.
Probably that’s all I needed to survive.
And that gave me a little more confidence to live and succeed.
Finally, I will dedicate my Motherhood to you. I will try and be the father like you.
And will leave footprints in Ved’s life, just as you did in mine, Footprints of love and grace.
We will make every small moment count in glory and dedicate our well spent life to you.
A little Boy’s Amma.
I happened to hear a bizarre statement a couple of weeks back, rather I was told that,
Mothers who had Natural Childbirth or the so called ‘Normal’ delivery are the ones who love their children most.
Seems like only ‘those’ women knew what ‘Real’ pain is !!
Astonishingly this declaration came from a Woman… who further added that the labour is the most intense pain ever and you will know the value of the baby only if you delivered naturally.
I was like, Uhh !! Umm!! well not really .. I had a C-Section, and I love my Son, more than all of the love put together in this world.
This is not just one Bizarre Statement, that float around… there is more to this, like,
You are a ‘Divine’ mother if you had a Normal delivery.
You are a ‘Not-so-Divine’ mother if you had a Caesarean.
You are a ‘Lucky’ mother if you’re firstborn is a Boy.
You are a ‘burdened’ mother is you’re firstborn is a Girl.
You are a ‘Nice’ mother if you breastfed you’re child.
You are a ‘Selfish’ mother if you did not breastfeed.
You are a ‘Blessed’ mother if you had a child within 1 yr of marriage.
But, let me tell you, which ever type of mother you are, you are the best.
You have gone through weird emotions, unpleasant days, public embarrassment and strange happenings all through pregnancy.
It is such a real struggle, that goes so unnoticed, only because you decided not to make a big deal out of it.
More than the time, effort, love and money, you have invested a lot of you’re health for this little being.
You may not realise, you may not believe, if I tell you that, your child thinks that, you are the bestest thing that has ever happened to Her/Him.
You are the Superhero in their hearts today. it may change tomorrow, that’s inevitable. But today, you are the SuperHero, and you mean the world to them.
Don’t let anyone describe how much more or less you love you’re child, just on the basis on how and when you delivered.
Always remember, when God called you to be a Mother, he did not ask for perfection or normal delivery. He chose you for the highest order of blessing.
And yes, There are only very few ‘Genuine’ mothers in this world ~ and YOU are one of them !!
A little boy’s Amma.
How to poison Mother-In-Law !!
A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
– Author Unknown !!
I am sure that story touched a few hearts like it did for mine.
I often think about stories that float around about that ‘Un Lovable’ Mother-in-law.
But just imagine,
She has already lived twice as much as you did.
She has seen the best and worst of her life.
She has dreams (just like you) for her children.
She was the queen of the house. Suddenly you come in and start advising her. Put yourself in her place and visualize how it feels.
She is sharing her precious child with you.
She is proud of you. but she never confesses it.
She actually is more proud of you that her son, but she never ever will say it.
Probably she was a single mother and gave more than her life to bring up that one life, who now calls you his life.
She may feel left behind with all you’re sudden high funda discussions. there is a gap, she feels lost in it.
She is probably smiling to herself and saying, he is my Son, I know him before you, he does not like that Green colour shirt !!
She is loud, noisy, cranky for reasons known only to her.
She will annoy you, pester you, make you question you’re existence and force you to think of storming out of the house and never to return.
Believe me, she has gone through all those days, a minute by minute of you’re anguish she knows. She has survived it. So will you.
Remember a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a Woman perfected without trials.
Probably if there was no mother-in-law, you would have never been perfected.
Her ageing soul is probably crying out to you for some help, again silently, again for reasons unknown to her.
She knows deep in her soul, you will be the person in all probability to feed her the last food.
She knows its possible to love the Man whom she raised and hate her.
She is dying a bit on the inside each time you fight with her son. And no denying she is way too possessive of him. Like you don’t.
As a young bride herself, she has faced it all, much worse in fact, and she knows exactly how you feel. But she can’t help herself.
Maybe she is not all that bad. maybe she is much sweeter than you.
Once a while sit and think about the dreams you have for you’re child.
And how you would want to breathe you’re last in his arms without a third person in between you.
Of course I am not denying the exceptions of Mean Mother-in-laws.
But hang in there ..
This one woman, spent her energy, time, money and memories to make the man you are living with now. If at all he is any good, it is because of the mould his mother made and the sacrifices she did selflessly.
I would like to finish this post off with a Beautiful Quote from Ayelet Waldman,
“I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity.”
A little boy’s Amma.
It would easily be the Hypocrisy of the highest order, if I deny my secret dream or wish, that I was born a Boy.
More than once, I have had this secret wish.
When I was a child, maybe around 10yrs, when my brother was given the privilege to roam around and I was told I belonged to the house.
When I was a teenager, when I did not understand multiple happenings around me, and when my brother did not bother to be bothered about anything, and still roamed around the streets.
When I couldn’t wear shorts to the Theme Park.
When I couldn’t talk standing at street corners with friends.
When I couldn’t leave the house whenever I wanted and came in as I pleased.
When I couldn’t be least worried about how long my skirt was and when my brother loitered around the house topless.
Probably there were so many other things I was denied as a Girl Child, and when I look back, these things hardly matter to me now. They were passing emotions.
But there are some moments that are adamantly sitting on my memory lane. Those moments I really wished I was a Boy.
Like the one instance, I was (eve) teased by random school boys, I couldn’t do anything but run as fast as I can. I would have been an Olympian if only I had put in more effort.
Like the other day in bus, when I was still 12 yrs old, and a couple of classmates with me, and we were again (eve) teased. yet again silenced by fear.
Like that moment when my relative told my Appa, why would you need to spend so much on (just) a Girl’s education.
Like that, annoying rule, when everyone agrees that, girls need to talk slowly and keep opinions to themselves.
Like that Embarrassing TV Ad, where only ‘fair’ girls got good jobs and ‘Fair’ boyfriends.
So many more, that I have lost count of them.
But yeah, I still wish I was Born a Boy, not just for walking around topless, but for many more. I did promise myself, that one day when I have a Boy Baby, I will impose my ‘Dream Boy’ dream in him.
Like, I want this boy in my lap,
To step aside and let his female companion board the bus first.
To open door for her.
To resist the thought of abusing or teasing a woman and to run hundred yards away from that scene instead of making her run.
To tell his mom, that no one cares, if she wears short skirts 😀
To assure his mom, that he is not the nightmare in a teenager girl’s life.
To say NO to racism of any form.
To think he does not belong to the Stronger Sex.
To embrace the victory of his Lady.
To ‘not’ post inappropriate content in social media.
To fight hard the urge to be a bully.
To be ignorant to the thoughts of shaming woman and her body.
So much more, so many more.
The future belongs to the Mothers of Boys to make this world a better place.
Being a mother to a boy has made me discover so many untouched layers of my soul.
Boys are not always a Bully; They are what their mother’s create them to be. Tiny Gentlemen !!
The calling is for Mothers with Boys.
Mother’s of tiny Baby Girls, a wise word for you “Just relax”.
You will know very soon that, Boys are sweet, Boys are Kind, Boys are Strong, Boys are Humane, Boys are Angels.
A little boy’s Amma.
Pretty curls & bright yellow ribbons, Butterfly frocks and fluttering eyes with infectious smile, I always knew and believed, Baby girls were a slice of Heaven on earth.
I did not know a Boy’s world.
They wore the same boring trousers. Cars & Bikes were not my favourite. I dreaded at the fact of having a Boy Baby until this happened.
It did not just happen, but heard and read and everywhere I looked, I stared at this insane atrocities of Men (Boys) towards its most Precious Gender.
Throughout my pregnancy, I was sure of one thing, I did not want a Baby Girl.
I did not want creepy looking men to drool at my 10yr old Innocent daughter.
I did not want some random funny looking guy to advise her on ‘How not to look funny’
I did not want that ticket collector, that strange man walking on the road, to hit and push and rob her off her innocence.
I freaked at the thought that, that guy whom I always feared all my life, would walk up to her and swear and stain her dignity.
These are just some of the many ‘I don’t wants”. Some of which I don’t find appropriate words to write. Some of which might be very raw, and to refrain from writing them could be the best thing I can do for myself.
Although I had many a “I don’t wants”, I also have a million “I want’s”
I want to give birth to a tiny baby boy, who would respect and love a girl, knowing that, she is as precious as he is. Her parents too rejoiced the same way, his parents did.
I want to raise a little boy, who knows that, She is equal to him not in ‘many’ ways, but in ‘All’ ways.
I want to bring up this tiny gentleman in such a way that,
He lets her get into the lift first.
He opens the door for her.
He does not let her walk behind him, but beside him.
He does not smoke on her face.
He fights hard the feeling of not to touch her without her consent.
He who does not treat his wife as the “better half”, but as the “best half”
He who points to his daughter and says, be like mom. And to son, bring a girl like mom.
He who is a little generous to her flaws.
He who listens to her.
He who fights for her.
‘Her’ can be his best friend, his classmate, his wife or could be any random girl.
The more I think about the boy, the more I understand the world.
Saving the girl child is not the need of the hour, but Raising you Boys to be Wonderful Gentlemen is the cry of the hour.
Leave the girls alone, watch the boys.
Watch them, watch yourself. What you talk to them, what you let them see.
After all bad boys are not born, they are created.
Take care of your boys, and girls will take care of themselves and the rest will fall in place and the world will fix its women problems altogether and once and for all.
I promise to take are of BabyVed; and yes your Girl is safe 🙂
A little boy’s Amma.