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I Sent My Son to Day-Care, and Guilt did not follow me ~Selfishly Yours, Amma !!

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It all boiled down to that moment, that discussion with that person. 

Who gladly was a self proclaimed judge in his own terms and was furious of  my ‘selfish’ act of wanting to enrol Baby Ved in a Daycare.

He also uninvitingly reminded me on how blessed I should be to become a mother and unpleasantly advised me on Parenting my Son, whom I gave birth to.

He also intimidatingly cautioned me to value my ‘Job’ less than my ‘Son’. Meaning ‘quit’ the Job.

Seriously, you think, the heights of you’re love towards your children is not measured on the date & time you put them in Daycare houses.

How many of us have parents who are ill and old and unable to manage a hyperactive toddler.

Every mother that I have spoken to at work have given me immense faith and hope and confidence in raising up my child the way I want, which is without a doubt the best way.

We have shared opinions, thoughts, inspired each other, encouraged each other, motivated each other and some days I feel those working moms were the only reason that I did not give up on my career.

Those fragile but brave single moms, whose support systems have all gone for a toss, they are the heroes for me. The battles they face, having to do the balancing act is beyond me.

Not the one, who easily gives me an option to quit.

When I decided to leave my Son at Daycare (Yes I decided. Baby Ved’s dad left that toughest task gracefully to me) I did it with a lot of planning.

Not once did I feel guilty throughout the process. Not Once. Not one single time.

If guilt, of all is said to be an emotion for leaving your child alone, then I had that damn guilt from the day I started working after my maternity leave. when Baby Ved was all of just 5.5 months tiny baby.

Coming from a family of Woman, who worked their way out to make a living, who not just stood by their own legs, but thoughts and opinions, I did not feel the ‘Odd one out’ syndrome when I continued work after maternity leave.

After all that’s what every humble family does throughout the world.

That’s what every dad prays for his daughter, when he provided education.

that’s what every mother hopes for her daughter, that she will show the world her greatness.

Sending your child to day care is not a crime, and much more below are few of the wonderful confessions of some of the beautiful working Moms:

  •  That Separation Anxiety is not just for the Child, it is experienced a hundred fold by the mother too.
  • Keeping your child close to you beyond a certain age is going to do more harm than good.
  • It is perfectly fine to feel inadequate, but don’t dwell there.
  •  You will definitely love the new independent child.
  • If not today, one day your child is going to get exposed to this beautiful world of schooling and learning.
  • Taking the first bold step and importantly that leap of faith makes half the job complete.
  •  And when you hand over your precious child to the caretakers make sure you say that prayer of love and believe your child will be in God’s hand, safe and happy, not just in day care but forever.

Finally, don’t forget yet~  you know what is good for your child, after all it was you who took all the pain.

One day, not very far, your child will walk up to you and thank you for the kind of trust you had in her/him to let go and kiss your hardworking hands in gratitude for all that you provided.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Writer Without Money !!

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Of late, I’ve been asked quite a few times by colleagues and friends alike, on, how much money I make by writing.

Also a few suggestions on how to improve my ‘presence’ in the internet.

On how to grab the attention of potential readers who will visit my page and thereby I can earn a handful.

On how to convert my writing to money.

I was excited in the beginning and thought I should go for it.

but when I give a honest reflection to it, I think I will pay myself only Sweet Nothings;

I don’t even think any one will ever read my blog more than once. Because i don’t write to perfection. I will blame it on my incompetency.

When I dint even knew, I could write articles or blogs, there were 2 situations that helped me discover this;

The death of my Father and the birth of my Son. Which happened back to back, like WW2 Bombings.

I have had quiet a few revelations after the birth of my Son. One of them being writing, followed very closely by insanity 🙂

One day, when Baby Ved reads through this blog, I want him to know that, I wrote this for him. this humble attempt to swim through words and make a record of things happening in his life, are all for him.

One day he will read this to know, there lived a Momma who loved him like she has never loved any one before. A momma with humble beginnings, a Momma with gentle emotions for her little boy.

A momma who wrote for him, A momma who wrote about him, all of her genuine thoughts, for him to believe that, he can be anyone in this world, but for her, He is the world.

Perhaps, if I write for money, I would focus more on the spell checks and grammar and not on the content.

I would be more disturbed by the misplaced nouns and pronouns (whatever they are).

I would lose my sleep over social media bashing on my ignorance on when to use “your and You’re”.

And by giving importance to all this, I would have missed the very essence of setting up this blog ~ ‘my son’.

I don’t want to spend my all so genuine emotions in frantically trying to find the appropriate words to describe them. My simple language is what my baby understands, he has been hearing it from the time he was as small as a mustard seed.

You can never be me. Utterly Shy and pathetic when it comes to the language called English. But then its about writing, it can be any language.

I intend to write more, I urge every mother to write more. Not for making money, but Memories.

The power of writing is with the writer. its not in the grammar, its not in the language, its not with the literature experts. If at all you should have the urge to start something for your Child /Children, then please don’t put away that golden thought.

The call is for the mothers. You never know, who is going to be inspired by the love you have for your kids.

Write for yourself, write for your kids.

They will be grateful to you for those written words of love !!

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

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Single Child ~ Yet Again !!

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Contradicting oneself, and challenging ones own thought process can be taxing.

Its like you against you !!

Not long before I wrote one of my favourite blogs till date on “Siblings”.

I was touched by the responses, although very few. I am totally aware that very less people read my notes and care of how many kids I produce.

But yes, the very few that came in remain very close to my heart. I don’t even know their names, but when they opened up on their sibling memories, it was heart wrenching.

I was grateful to myself for writing that.

But today, in close to 100+ days of writing that ‘Sibling’ blog, my priorities have changed. Because I simply don’t have the luxury to realise my dreams.

I don’t see a point in having multiple children and

  • Requesting every other relative to lend a helping hand.
  • Tiring the already old grandparents to handle terrible toddlers.
  • Dumping your frustration on people around because you cant handle your own kids.
  • The heights of all, being overly jealous on your counterparts on the free time they get, just because they have less kids than you.

I don’t want to do any of the above. I don’t want to be any of the above.

Although I know all his life, Baby Ved will be playing alone and denying him a sibling will be too heavy a guilt for me to bear, but I can live with it. It is any day better than the guilt of not being able to do justice to one or more of my kids.

Unless and until there is a support system you can rely on, a cushion to fall back on, I would say, it is safe to play it safe 🙂

Of course, I know as we move to the nuclear family fashion, there needs to be more of humane touch and sense in everything we do, to keep the emotions in tact. For that you don’t need more kids.

You need to be a sensible parent.

A parent cum sibling for your precious child.

A brother who can break bones together.

A sister who can keep those intimate secrets.

Some of the lovely humans I know are all Single Children.

I am sure with the family that prays together, God will definitely fill that void in that little heart.

While I will forever be guilty of denying Baby Ved the most sacred relationship of a sibling, something that I enjoy, I also will strive harder to be the bestest parent possible to cover up for it.

PS: As always I am sure someone will come up with an entirely different notion about the above article. Just to reiterate, you can have any number of kids you want to have 🙂 I am not the brand ambasador for ‘One Child’ policy.

Its not about you, Its about the Little Boy’s Amma.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

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A New found respect for ‘Child-Free’ couples (by choice) !!

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I would be really honest here and confess, I have raised eyebrows when a friend or colleague would say, they don’t have plans for having babies.

I mean, how could they be so mean.

Men and women were created to become husband and wife and in turn become Mummy and Daddy.

How can a women be so cold in saying she does not want children, after all that’s what we have been taught all through our childhood.

The ever graceful Women with a hands full of babies, the divine and privileged gender of all. Or at least that’s what we were told to believe.

Anyone without a kid was looked down upon.

An unintentional childless woman will end up being called a ‘Non-Woman’.

And an intentional childless woman will be called a ‘Non-Human’.

I have heard people commenting on how selfish those couples are to go childless and that the heavens will bring down their anger upon them and the curse of the unborn child intended for them.

I have also heard, how unwomanly those women are to even open their mouth and say that they don’t want kids.

As I said, I myself have had few of the above thoughts each time I hear of it.

I though it was a fashion statement.

I thought they were running away from responsibilities.

I thought they were too lazy to bring up a child.

I thought they were created inadequate by God.

All the above was just what I thought or made to believe.

But in reality, they are doing a favour. Not just for them, but for the unborn precious child.

This striking realisation came to me, when I had to stay awake straight 4 days, while I was calming my Baby Ved at the hospital a couple of weeks back. It was a tough time as a family, as a baby, more so as a mother.

Lost weight, lost sleep, lost my mind.

But none of what I lost was Ved’s fault. I cant crib on him. I cant say because of you, I missed my office deadlines, because of you Iam on LOP. None of it was because of him.

I chose him. I prayed for this baby. it was my choice. he is my reason to live, not my reason to complain.

You wanted to have a baby. You might as well be ready to miss that promotion.

you wanted to have that baby, you better be prepared to stay awake for days together.

You wanted to have that baby, you dare not accuse him of spoiling your appraisal and blocking your career.

You wanted that baby, you might as well keep a check on your health, rather than saying , “I died to bring you up”.

Babies are demanding, babies are expensive, Babies are Exhausting.

That’s how tiny miracles are.

If you cant take care of that baby, you might very well go on to be Childfree by choice and do that baby a fair bit of favour.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.