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What do I dedicate to thee, Dear Appa ?!

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“Margarita Mamun dedicating her Olympic Gold to her Father who died just days after her Glory” was one of the best videos I saw today.

The emotions of Ms Mamun warmed my heart. It felt good. Her dad in heaven sure must have rejoiced.

I can never complain that I did not have enough time to dedicate a glory to my father.

I spent full 30 years with him, enough time to make him feel proud of me a hundred times. But I never did. He never complained. But I never did. But again he never expected.

I never studied well, to dedicate Scholarships to my Appa.

I never fared in Sports to dedicate Gold Medals to my Appa.

I never ever did anything that would bring him any glory.

For all that I did to him, he graced me with such love and faith , that will shame me to my grave. Yes, that’s the word. He gave me the greatest gift a Dad could ever give. He believed in me.

He loved me so much, that even after his passing away, I live only for his love.

His love is interwoven in my nerves, in the core of my heart. Such extraordinary love for a commoner like me. I was a commoner in my eyes, but for Appa I was his world.

If not for my Father. If not for that love and faith that did not expect any dedications or honours or the least a mention of his Child’s greatness, I would have been nothing today.

But I will Appa, I will dedicate.

Dedicate, few moments of Kindness that you always inspired me to.

Dedicate few hours of Prayers of Thankfulness that you always practised.

Dedicate some forgiveness that you would love to see me do.

Dedicate a lifetime of humbleness that defined you.

For you were a Father who accumulated a lot of wealth for me. Wealth called Love,  simplicity and Education.

You took pride in a very simple disorganised little girl for her imperfections.

You picked up the broken pieces of your failed daughter and moulded her to be the woman she is today. You did not give a chance to look out for Inspiration. You were the Inspiration within me.

You looked through an Imperfect Soul and rejoiced in it instead of ridicule.

I was just a little Glorified Nothingness, that you adored.

Probably that’s all I needed to survive.

And that gave me a little more confidence to live and succeed.

Finally, I will dedicate my Motherhood to you. I will try and be the father like you.

And will leave footprints in Ved’s life, just as you did in mine, Footprints of love and grace.

We will make every small moment count in glory and dedicate our well spent life to you.

Pris,

A little Boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Oh !! The Joys of a Working Mother !!

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He bursts into tiny baby tears the moment he sees me after 10hrs and that second makes me feel like the most luckiest mother in the world. I feel wanted, I feel loved, I feel special with the truth that finally someone has taken me so seriously and that is my Son, my Baby Ved.

He has been waiting for me; Every second past 10hours.

For he knows I will definitely return,

I will return to Hug and Squeeze him and wipe away the miserable heartache of separation.

I let him pull my hair with his babysoft fingers

And that gentle pain is the best medicine for my aching soul.

He clings to me like a Baby Kangaroo and I walk around the house with me, even to the restroom sometimes.

He gives the “My amma has come yayyyyyy” kind of look to his Grandparents.

And what happens next is the most treasured moments of my life.

We cuddle, we fight, we laugh, we let go off silent tears and look into each others eyes and whisper in sync “I wish I never let go of you”.

We crash in each others arms.

And soon as he drifts into  a peaceful sleep in my lap, I read him in detail.

His nails have grown big, his golden anklets have grown small, some tiny particles in his rosy nose and few strands of dark silky hairs entangled in his baby fingers.

And as I hold his tender body close to mine, I hear the most stunning melody of all in this world, His Heartbeat.

Oh what a Bliss, That I am Woman, I am a Mother and you are my Son.

Now that I know he has fallen into deep sleep, I quietly pull him away from me and carefully place him in his baby bed.

I turn my head and that’s not even a second of leaving him and all I hear is inconsolable sobs. It gets louder and heavier by the second. In split second I grab him again and hold him close to me and the cries disappear. I repeat this process a couple of times just to hear his cry and comfort. What a Heavenly experience !!

I chose to be a Career Woman:

  • To support my parents. they have given me my biggest and strongest wings called education. They invested in me and I want to do justice to it. They have not asked me for anything and when the need comes I don’t want them to ask anyone else other than my brother and me.
  • To help my Husband: I want him to take a week off or a month break and spend time with Baby Ved. to help his parents, to go on that much needed vacation with his “Boy” friends, of course. All this without worrying about finance, for I will step up for him.
  • For my Son, for I know his dreams will be as high as the sky and wide as the ocean. I have taught him to dream big and I don’t want to be a showstopper.
  • Finally for myself. help myself buy gifts for my nephews and nieces without having to think much. Help buy my own clothes and that expensive hair serum :-). Help myself enjoy the freedom of giving when I want to give and to whom I want to give.

Having blabbered all of these, there has not been a single night I have slept without shedding the guilt tear.

If only I could, I will trade everything in this world just to sit and watch my son crawl and change diapers and feed him Cerelac.

I’ve missed my parents during my Childhood. I used to sit alone in front of our locked house until mom came from work.

I promised myself that I will never leave my child alone and will be a witness to every milestone.

But History has repeated itself.

We are a working class.

There’s bread on the table because of the job.

And I like to stay it this way.

I love the fruits of my labour.

I love the tired me. I love picking up my broken pieces, I love to strengthen myself, and when I lose my brain I look up to the brightest star where my dad shines as a memory and I regain all that is lost.

I consciously take the effort to dust all the negativity gathered through the day at the door step. Baby Ved doesn’t need them.

For now let me get back to cuddling my precious for whom I will live the rest of my life.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

PS: I am grateful to God, for Ved’s lovely grandparents who have been such a strong support system.

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A closed letter to Parents with a Girl Child (Esp. India), from a Mother of a Little Boy:

I was inspired to write this post after a candid discussion with a beloved friend of mine, a father of a 1yr old girl child.

His obvious fears, of his little daughter’s future especially after marriage, encouraged me to write this.

Dear Parents of Little Girls, As a Mother of a prospective groom, I assure you that,

If my son chose to marry your daughter,

  • I will not let them stay with us. The Farther the better.
  • I will not take any dowry in any form. My son has a very strong spine. We are a ‘Strong Spine’ Family 😛
  • I will not let my daughter (if at all I have one) interfere in any of your affairs.
  • I will not let my relatives (Distant & Near) get into decision making with your daughter.
  • I will not ask her to change her family name. It’s a pride.
  • I will not want her to support us financially.
  • I will not be influenced by anything anybody say about her. She is my daughter-in-law and I respect that.
  • I will not allow her to call me amma/ mom/ mommy. Because I want her to know that her mom is the best and cannot be replaced.
  • I will not call her daughter and hug and kiss her everyday. For me hers is a unique replationship and I want it to be as natural as it can be.
  • I will not force her to name their child after my great grandmother. (If at all she chooses to have one)
  • Oh yes !! Important !! I will not ask her “When is the Good news” or put on my drama clothes & get emotional of how I will die without seeing my grandchild.
  • I will not bother how many times she plans visit her parents. The more the better. I love that bond. A precious bond.
  • I will nor eves-drop her phone conversations.
  • I will not go to her house to babysit. If my help is required, I’d say, leave the baby in my house 😛
  • No ! No! No! I will not expect her to cook for my husband and me. No dramatic stories of my young bride days.

Having said this, I being a Mother-in-law expect something in return too 🙂

Dear Daughter-in-law;

  • I really don’t care which part of the world you belong to, but I expect you to respect our culture and I will definitely return that favour.
  • The non-negotiable need , will be, that you are educated & a career woman (sorry about that)
  • A career can be anything, writing, swimming, jumping, cooking, as long as you are doing something.
  • I really am not worried of your earlier relationship status, but now that you guys are hitched for life, please fight together to guard it for life. I promise I will teach my son the same.
  • I will teach my son to respect women and its less of a man to hurt her. You should let me know in any instance if he is deviating from this instruction. Because I know what to do.
  • I would request you, please be a little gentle to his faults. You know Men right 😛
  • I will be very happy if you can confront him whenever required and appreciate & love at the same time.
  • You’re a feminist, Independent woman, arrogant, high headed or whatever the world may call you, I DON’T CARE. As long as you are a strong woman and have a strong character.
  • I urge you to support your parents and never ever forget the sacrifice they made.
  • I’d love if you choose to wear bright red lipsticks and short skirts and straightened hair. For me none of these define your value. Your wonderful soul is what that matters to me.
  • Stay Strong. Don’t push yourself to be polite. If you think my relatives need a piece of your well educated mind, please go ahead. I hope our family does not disappoint you.
  • Please don’t fall apart.
  • Don’t hesitate to take my help.
  • Come along, let’s go for dinner dance and some fun.
  • Suggest me on the latest fashion, am so poor in it. Help me get a good haircut. Again am super poor in it. please don’t force yourself to be nice to me. I have done that and failed miserably. And it hurts.
  • If you love your MIL only 60%, that’s fine. Let that be genuine please.

Trust me our home is a simple loving home. Just the 3 of us and we are super glad to invite you into our world.

Finally, you will be the 1st person; I will share my Son with. So you are very very special to me.

Scold him, beat him, fight with him, encourage him but please don’t break his heart. Cos I know my Son. If he has decided to share the vows with you, then he is for it. And its my duty to ensure he does the same for you.

Keep the love and passion burning. I have already started praying for you. He is going to search for you and find you one day and that day we meet, we both are going to be jealous of each other 🙂

For I know, as precious as my son is for me, So are you for your parents.

Am raising my Son, his tiny gentleman to be a Blessing for you until eternity

PS: the best person to know and validate about me is my Sister-in-law, Jaya Gangwani 🙂 No worries, I have bribed her enough 😛

Love,

Pris.

A little boy’s Amma.