Well, all of us, at some point of time, would secretly wish, that our kids looked like us. Some resemblance to boast off.
But me, on the contrary, never ever wanted my baby to look like me.
All of my childhood and even now, I have been teased for my blunt nose, the funny ears and crazy set of teeth.
I dint want my baby to look any bit of me. Throughout my pregnancy I imagined my baby to look anything but me. I wanted him to look like his dad, like my dad, like my handsome brother.
I wanted him to be tall like my Granpa, that sharp nose, those curious eyes and adorable smile.
So many wants on how my baby should look, and just one “don’t want”.
I still remember the first time I saw him, he looked like my dad, that first sight. Then after a couple of hours, they bought him all bundled in cute new born clothes, and at one glance, I thought he looked like his Dad.
And then some one exclaimed, “wow !! baby looks so pink” !!
Then I immediately stared at my new born, I was holding him in one hand as he lay beside me peacefully like a new born angel. Indeed, he looked Pink, near my dark self.
I was not proud that my Son was Pink, for I know this skin color was just a color and nothing more to it. But I was happy he was not looking like me.
Before I was fully happy for 1 whole minute, I had my gynaecologist, gently whispering, Priscilla, your Son looks like you. And I was like shocked.
That midnight I closely observed my Son. Yes Indeed Dr. Niranjana was correct, he looked like me, his eyes, those same funny ears and blunt nose and the ear to ear grin.
I was so happy that second, that I burst into tears that night and blamed it on Postpartum !!
Every single person who came to visit Baby Ved, exclaimed and visibly happy on how Baby looked like his dad.
And the list includes, my traitor mom and traitor brother. My only console my Sister-In-Law Jaya, who kept assuring me baby Ved has traces of me 😀 and my invisible father who was smiling cunningly in the photograph just above my bed.
And of course my MIL who kept assuring me that Rajnish was a trillion times cuter 🙂
Everyone who came to meet him, described of how PINK he looks. How fair. How unfair I shouted in my head.
Most of them, never bothered about his birth weight or how healthy baby he was, all that mattered to human eyes was “How Fair” he was. Well they are not to be blamed, such is our craziness towards fairness.
I will admit, I have had troubles, taking my child out, when he was a baby, I was scared if someone would forcefully take him away from me, saying I kidnapped this beautiful baby boy.
now tho, he knows to talk and scream “amma amma”, so now one dare touch my Son. 😀
Like the one you see in Facebook. I was scared if people thought I stole this baby. He was that charming and I was that “Un-Charming”.
Although the world tried its best to instil some sense of insecurity in me, by asking questions like, “who is fair in your family”, to “I think baby looks like your in-laws” to “ I am so sorry that baby does not look a bit like you” to “why he does not look anything like you”, I was pretty much unmoved.
But not on one instance, when an 8yrs old, walked upto me and told, “Aunty, you are so dark and your baby is so fair, like his dad and went on to ask, how come”. For this I had no answers, I was crying on the inside, I felt discriminated.
An 8yr old, how innocent she should be at this age and all that her eyes saw was skin color. And a discrimination on it.
I did not sleep that night. I was wondering what will happen when Baby Ved is 8yrs old. Will his classmates tease him, that his mother is dark or will Ved himself hate me for I don’t look like him.
Scenes from my newly married days came flashing, I thought I married a man I loved, people told me I married a ‘Fair’ “good looking” Malayali.
I don’t want Ved to be remembered that way, I don’t wasn’t people to treat him the way he looks, but for the Man he is. Gentle, kind and Innocent.
I come to know of families, who will marry their children only to fair looking people. I don’t want Ved to end up in such a family.
So many things, honestly so many things. I wanted to take my son and run away. Run away from this world full of people who judge on appearances. Run away from discriminations. I dint want him to live here or learn this. I was scared of my Son. If my Son would hate me.
But yeah!! Complexion and beauty did not have the last laugh !!
Every time he cries out for me, every moment he hugs me, every second we stare into each others eyes, he tells me, that I am the best mom in this world for him.
I know, I know deep down in my heart, I mean the world to this tiny human being.
And yes, whoever you are, whatever you are, however you look, you need to believe that, you may be someone in this world, but, to your child, you are the World.
And all along my tiresome and emotionally draining journey as a new mother, the one person who stood by me and stood to his word, is my husband Rajnish.
Although people walked in praised him, and congratulated him, he did not get carried away. Time and again he would tease me, that I have passed on the ear to ear grin and big wide smile to baby Ved.
And I knew at that moment, I was not Lucky, but Blessed beyond !!
Rajnish agrees, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. He thinks fairness is only skin deep. He thinks a beautiful soul is the best ornament, appearance is deceiving. He loves black, or at least that’s what he tells me. He says, it is the Indian Color. The way our forefathers were, then came the glorified fairness.
The world will indeed be a beautiful place to live in, if we had more Rajnishs. and I am praying Baby Ved will follow suit.
A little boy’s mom !