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What do I dedicate to thee, Dear Appa ?!

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“Margarita Mamun dedicating her Olympic Gold to her Father who died just days after her Glory” was one of the best videos I saw today.

The emotions of Ms Mamun warmed my heart. It felt good. Her dad in heaven sure must have rejoiced.

I can never complain that I did not have enough time to dedicate a glory to my father.

I spent full 30 years with him, enough time to make him feel proud of me a hundred times. But I never did. He never complained. But I never did. But again he never expected.

I never studied well, to dedicate Scholarships to my Appa.

I never fared in Sports to dedicate Gold Medals to my Appa.

I never ever did anything that would bring him any glory.

For all that I did to him, he graced me with such love and faith , that will shame me to my grave. Yes, that’s the word. He gave me the greatest gift a Dad could ever give. He believed in me.

He loved me so much, that even after his passing away, I live only for his love.

His love is interwoven in my nerves, in the core of my heart. Such extraordinary love for a commoner like me. I was a commoner in my eyes, but for Appa I was his world.

If not for my Father. If not for that love and faith that did not expect any dedications or honours or the least a mention of his Child’s greatness, I would have been nothing today.

But I will Appa, I will dedicate.

Dedicate, few moments of Kindness that you always inspired me to.

Dedicate few hours of Prayers of Thankfulness that you always practised.

Dedicate some forgiveness that you would love to see me do.

Dedicate a lifetime of humbleness that defined you.

For you were a Father who accumulated a lot of wealth for me. Wealth called Love,  simplicity and Education.

You took pride in a very simple disorganised little girl for her imperfections.

You picked up the broken pieces of your failed daughter and moulded her to be the woman she is today. You did not give a chance to look out for Inspiration. You were the Inspiration within me.

You looked through an Imperfect Soul and rejoiced in it instead of ridicule.

I was just a little Glorified Nothingness, that you adored.

Probably that’s all I needed to survive.

And that gave me a little more confidence to live and succeed.

Finally, I will dedicate my Motherhood to you. I will try and be the father like you.

And will leave footprints in Ved’s life, just as you did in mine, Footprints of love and grace.

We will make every small moment count in glory and dedicate our well spent life to you.

Pris,

A little Boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Son, I want you to be the Man, I always wanted to be!!

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It would easily be the Hypocrisy of the highest order, if I deny my secret dream or wish, that I was born a Boy.

More than once, I have had this secret wish.

When I was a child, maybe around 10yrs, when my brother was given the privilege to roam around and I was told I belonged to the house.

When I was a teenager, when I did not understand multiple happenings around me, and when my brother did not bother to be bothered about anything, and still roamed around the streets.

When I couldn’t wear shorts to the Theme Park.

When I couldn’t talk standing at street corners with friends.

When I couldn’t leave the house whenever I wanted and came in as I pleased.

When I couldn’t be least worried about how long my skirt was and when my brother loitered around the house topless.

Probably there were so many other things I was denied as a Girl Child, and when I look back, these things hardly matter to me now. They were passing emotions.

But there are some moments that are adamantly sitting on my memory lane. Those moments I really wished I was a Boy.

Like the one instance, I was (eve) teased by random school boys, I couldn’t do anything but run as fast as I can. I would have been an Olympian if only I had put in more effort.

Like the other day in bus, when I was still 12 yrs old, and a couple of classmates with me, and we were again (eve) teased. yet again silenced by fear.

Like that moment when my relative told my Appa, why would you need to spend so much on (just) a Girl’s education.

Like that, annoying rule, when everyone agrees that, girls need to talk  slowly and keep opinions to themselves.

Like that Embarrassing TV Ad, where only ‘fair’ girls got good jobs and ‘Fair’ boyfriends.

So many more, that I have lost count of them.

But yeah, I still wish I was Born a Boy, not just for walking around topless, but for many more. I did promise myself, that one day when I have a Boy Baby, I will impose my ‘Dream Boy’ dream in him.

Like, I want this boy in my lap,

To step aside and let his female companion board the bus first.

To open door for her.

To resist the thought of abusing or teasing a woman and to run hundred yards away from that scene instead of making her run.

To tell his mom, that no one cares, if she wears short skirts 😀

To assure his mom, that he is not the nightmare in a teenager girl’s life.

To say NO to racism of any form.

To think he does not belong to the Stronger Sex.

To embrace the victory of his Lady.

To ‘not’ post inappropriate content in social media.

To fight hard the urge to be a bully.

To be ignorant to the thoughts of shaming woman and her body.

So much more, so many more.

The future belongs to the Mothers of Boys to make this world a better place.

Being a mother to a boy has made me discover so many untouched layers of my soul.

Boys are not always a Bully; They are what their mother’s create them to be. Tiny Gentlemen !!

The calling is for Mothers with Boys.

Mother’s of tiny Baby Girls, a wise word for you “Just relax”.

You will know very soon that, Boys are sweet, Boys are Kind, Boys are Strong, Boys are Humane, Boys are Angels.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

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Friends Forever ?? ~ A reality check !!

At least once in your life, little Ved, you are going to meet that one person, who will prick you right through your eyes and laugh at you, that, Friendship was one big joke – But don’t believe him yet !!

More than once, little Ved, you will come across that one person, who will stand by you through thick and thin and restore your Faith in Friendship – Call him your Best Friend !!

There will also be a person, who hugged you during good times and vanished during tough ones – Don’t forget the painful lessons he left behind !!

And then will come a friend, who will hang around until money lasts – Run 10 steps away from him !!

Followed by another, who will show up until the last day of your life, until the memories last – Cherish Him !!

Another will walk in and pose as your bestest friend, but don’t fall for him yet, he will be there only till your Popularity lasts – don’t entertain him !!

Then will come this guy, who will be right beside your sick bed, breathing new Promises for the Future – don’t let him go !!

When your parents fail you, this little lad will cry together with you as if he lost his own – Call him Brother !!

He will not have any money, he will not look glamourous, but he will give his life for you – In gratitude, give your life back to him !!

And then she will walk beside you, like a Beautiful Poem, making heads turn and gossip mills spinning – Just ignore all of that, for I, your mother knows, she is your Best friend !!

And then this friend, who before your even realised, snatched away your girlfriend, don’t cry over them – sit a couple of minutes in silence and let her go !!

A friend can make you or break you beyond repair.

Your mom has been very lucky to have very few friends, who have literally spent half their lifetime with her in a constructive way. as I close my eyes, all I can see is a life well spent with them.

Then a negligible few, who have taught the uglier side of life.

And I will also admit that I have not reciprocated many of the friendship invites that came my way.

But you Baby Ved, be wise in choosing your circle. I pray that you end up with people who will shape you and not crush you.

Be around with people who don’t always have to agree with you, with a different opinion, else you will never know the other side of life.

Having said all this, if once in your Lifetime, you meet people, who have robbed you off your Friendship, Surprised you with their ugliness, and scarred your tender heart beyond words, I plead with you, don’t lay there disappointed.

Bounce Back Ved !!

For you always have a Friend for life, who does not always understand your Boyish stuff, who is not as pleasant as your father, who says more don’ts than anyone, who stalks you each second and keeps a tab on your communications, who pokes her nose and wants to know all about your relationships, because she cares for you.

And you call her Amma. We have been together from day 0. And we were born together, you as a son and I as a mother. And I promise to be there for you, forever.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

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Single Child ? Anyone? I always wanted to be one !!

I always wished all of my Childhood, that I was a Single Child.

Or I wanted an elder sister.

But my Big Brother irritated me like hell and I made sure I irritated him twice as much.

I wished I was a Single Child so that I got my parents undivided love, and lots of chocolates that I dint have to share.

Oh yea, so, he was my brother. So what ?? what else does he mean to me?

I’ve had lucky friends with brothers who were extremely sweet like angels.

But my brother, was so terrifying. His hyperactive soul played pranks with me every other second, he laughed at my falls, never picked me up, never hugged me, never patted me, never asked me how my day was.

He never walked me to school, never helped with homework or help me choose a dress. Never complemented how I looked.

Our mother has to 1st whisper and then shout loudly ordering him to wish me happy birthday.

He made a formality Christmas wish and a disappearing New year wish and a no wish Easter.

He walked 10 steps away from me; Disowned me every opportunity he got.

Of all these, the most irritating thing he ever did was, to call me names I never liked. Not just in house, but middle of the streets.

I used to runaway from him.

Who wants a brother like this. You might, but not me definitely not me. I even wrote anonymous letters to some Christian Preachers to pray for my brother to like me 🙂

That was probably I did not see what was coming.

Days flew, and years rolled by, but for one particular day, when my whole world was shaking beneath my feet and I was being chewed by the jaws of fate, there stood my irritating and unlovable brother wiping tears like a 5yr old standing at the feet of my Father.

He still dint hug me, he still dint wipe my tears, he just let me sob as we both soaked not just in tears but unexplainable love for the very first time beside our Dad’s coffin.

He sat right across Dad’s coffin in the Church, comforted by his beautiful wife, I looked at him rather stared at him to realise what was born that minute.

It was not really our Dad who died that day, But love was born after 30yrs of being mere siblings.

What if I did not have a brother. I would have been standing there right in the middle like an orphan, begging around with pitiful eyes, to carry my Dad for his final journey.

No I did not need anyone. None of you. For I have all of the worlds Strength & Love put together in one Soul called ‘Asir’, my beloved Anna.

every time I saw his face that day, the more convinced I was , that dad did not ‘just’ die yet !!

He stood tall that day, on that very important day and virtually hugged me and my baby as we held on to hope like a thin rope. He was my SuperHero.

I can even go a step further and feel its sometimes my dad that just spoke to me through my brother. that’s him, that’s him.

Hey he was just a brother in the past, now and forever a father.

I still have some friends who have brothers who don’t even give a second look after marriage, who have parted ways after the death of their parents.

I know of some siblings turned strangers turned foes for the love of so called “wealth’.

As I think back, all I can remember is, I have never hugged my brother, I have never asked him about his Sports Day, I have never complimented him, I have never tried to understand his world.

I was so selfish all along my childhood.

If I had taken the effort to move closer to him and made friends with him, my life would have been less dramatic. Yes ofcourse I would have broken a few bones in that process 🙂

I wish I could travel back in time and make up for every lost minute with you Anna. But yes, life would have been less interesting that way 🙂

For each of us, there needs to be a sibling standing tall shoulder to shoulder. Not just for hugging and kissing but also to hold on tight when everything else crashes down.

When I get old, when my parents die and my kids fly away, I would like to sit in peace and sip that hot cup of coffee and rewind all the good old memories with my brother. Our beautiful home, our grandparents, our parents, the amazing legacy they have left behind.

When I look at Baby Ved, I feel this gentle nudge to get him a sibling.

When I am gone and his dad becomes a sweet memory, the only other person who will pick up his pieces and strengthen him will be his sibling.

We all need a sibling to laugh, love, care, share memories, fight, get hurt, get back on track, to cherish memories and to walk hand in hand as one body one soul.

Many friends may come and go, parents may die one day and children go far away, but my Brother you will stand with me forever in memories after all we shared something so special, our Mother’s Womb.

For me this can be the Bestest relationship for anyone.

Pris,

A little boy’s amma.

 

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Saving the girl child is not the need of the hour – Trust me !!

Pretty curls & bright yellow ribbons, Butterfly frocks and fluttering eyes with infectious smile, I always knew and believed, Baby girls were a slice of Heaven on earth.

I did not know a Boy’s world.

They wore the same boring trousers. Cars & Bikes were not my favourite. I dreaded at the fact of having a Boy Baby until this happened.

It did not just happen, but heard and read and everywhere I looked, I stared at this insane atrocities of Men (Boys) towards its most Precious Gender.

Throughout my pregnancy, I was sure of one thing, I did not want a Baby Girl.

I did not want creepy looking men to drool at my 10yr old Innocent daughter.

I did not want some random funny looking guy to advise her on ‘How not to look funny’

I did not want that ticket collector, that strange man walking on the road, to hit and push and rob her off her innocence.

I freaked at the thought that, that guy whom I always feared all my life, would walk up to her and swear and stain her dignity.

These are just some of the many ‘I don’t wants”. Some of which I don’t find appropriate words to write. Some of which might be very raw, and to refrain from writing them could be the best thing I can do for myself.

Although I had many a “I don’t wants”, I also have a million “I want’s”

For example,

I want to give birth to a tiny baby boy, who would respect and love a girl, knowing that, she is as precious as he is. Her parents too rejoiced the same way, his parents did.

I want to raise a little boy, who knows that, She is equal to him not in ‘many’ ways, but in ‘All’ ways.

I want to bring up this tiny gentleman in such a way that,

He lets her get into the lift first.

He opens the door for her.

He does not let her walk behind him, but beside him.

He does not smoke on her face.

He fights hard the feeling of not to touch her without her consent.

He who does not treat his wife as the “better half”, but as the “best half”

He who points to his daughter and says, be like mom. And to son, bring a girl like mom.

He who is a little generous to her flaws.

He who listens to her.

He who fights for her.

‘Her’ can be his best friend, his classmate, his wife or could be any random girl.

The more I think about the boy, the more I understand the world.

Saving the girl child is not the need of the hour, but Raising you Boys to be Wonderful Gentlemen is the cry of the hour.

Leave the girls alone, watch the boys.

Watch them, watch yourself. What you talk to them, what you let them see.

After all bad boys are not born, they are created.

Take care of your boys, and girls will take care of themselves and the rest will fall in place and the world will fix its women problems altogether and once and for all.

I promise to take are of BabyVed; and yes your Girl is safe 🙂

Pris

A little boy’s Amma.