I was inspired to write this post after a candid discussion with a beloved friend of mine, a father of a 1yr old girl child.
His obvious fears, of his little daughter’s future especially after marriage, encouraged me to write this.
Dear Parents of Little Girls, As a Mother of a prospective groom, I assure you that,
If my son chose to marry your daughter,
- I will not let them stay with us. The Farther the better.
- I will not take any dowry in any form. My son has a very strong spine. We are a ‘Strong Spine’ Family 😛
- I will not let my daughter (if at all I have one) interfere in any of your affairs.
- I will not let my relatives (Distant & Near) get into decision making with your daughter.
- I will not ask her to change her family name. It’s a pride.
- I will not want her to support us financially.
- I will not be influenced by anything anybody say about her. She is my daughter-in-law and I respect that.
- I will not allow her to call me amma/ mom/ mommy. Because I want her to know that her mom is the best and cannot be replaced.
- I will not call her daughter and hug and kiss her everyday. For me hers is a unique replationship and I want it to be as natural as it can be.
- I will not force her to name their child after my great grandmother. (If at all she chooses to have one)
- Oh yes !! Important !! I will not ask her “When is the Good news” or put on my drama clothes & get emotional of how I will die without seeing my grandchild.
- I will not bother how many times she plans visit her parents. The more the better. I love that bond. A precious bond.
- I will nor eves-drop her phone conversations.
- I will not go to her house to babysit. If my help is required, I’d say, leave the baby in my house 😛
- No ! No! No! I will not expect her to cook for my husband and me. No dramatic stories of my young bride days.
Having said this, I being a Mother-in-law expect something in return too 🙂
- I really don’t care which part of the world you belong to, but I expect you to respect our culture and I will definitely return that favour.
- The non-negotiable need , will be, that you are educated & a career woman (sorry about that)
- A career can be anything, writing, swimming, jumping, cooking, as long as you are doing something.
- I really am not worried of your earlier relationship status, but now that you guys are hitched for life, please fight together to guard it for life. I promise I will teach my son the same.
- I will teach my son to respect women and its less of a man to hurt her. You should let me know in any instance if he is deviating from this instruction. Because I know what to do.
- I would request you, please be a little gentle to his faults. You know Men right 😛
- I will be very happy if you can confront him whenever required and appreciate & love at the same time.
- You’re a feminist, Independent woman, arrogant, high headed or whatever the world may call you, I DON’T CARE. As long as you are a strong woman and have a strong character.
- I urge you to support your parents and never ever forget the sacrifice they made.
- I’d love if you choose to wear bright red lipsticks and short skirts and straightened hair. For me none of these define your value. Your wonderful soul is what that matters to me.
- Stay Strong. Don’t push yourself to be polite. If you think my relatives need a piece of your well educated mind, please go ahead. I hope our family does not disappoint you.
- Please don’t fall apart.
- Don’t hesitate to take my help.
- Come along, let’s go for dinner dance and some fun.
- Suggest me on the latest fashion, am so poor in it. Help me get a good haircut. Again am super poor in it. please don’t force yourself to be nice to me. I have done that and failed miserably. And it hurts.
- If you love your MIL only 60%, that’s fine. Let that be genuine please.
Trust me our home is a simple loving home. Just the 3 of us and we are super glad to invite you into our world.
Finally, you will be the 1st person; I will share my Son with. So you are very very special to me.
Scold him, beat him, fight with him, encourage him but please don’t break his heart. Cos I know my Son. If he has decided to share the vows with you, then he is for it. And its my duty to ensure he does the same for you.
Keep the love and passion burning. I have already started praying for you. He is going to search for you and find you one day and that day we meet, we both are going to be jealous of each other 🙂
For I know, as precious as my son is for me, So are you for your parents.
Am raising my Son, his tiny gentleman to be a Blessing for you until eternity
PS: the best person to know and validate about me is my Sister-in-law, Jaya Gangwani 🙂 No worries, I have bribed her enough 😛
A little boy’s Amma.