I ‘just’ don’t look like him. But I believe I am like him, in bits and pieces and shapes. For Eg the shape of my funny nose is like him.
I ‘just’ don’t look like him. But I believe I am like him, in bits and pieces and shapes. For Eg the shape of my funny nose is like him.
I happened to hear a bizarre statement a couple of weeks back, rather I was told that,
Mothers who had Natural Childbirth or the so called ‘Normal’ delivery are the ones who love their children most.
Seems like only ‘those’ women knew what ‘Real’ pain is !!
Astonishingly this declaration came from a Woman… who further added that the labour is the most intense pain ever and you will know the value of the baby only if you delivered naturally.
I was like, Uhh !! Umm!! well not really .. I had a C-Section, and I love my Son, more than all of the love put together in this world.
This is not just one Bizarre Statement, that float around… there is more to this, like,
You are a ‘Divine’ mother if you had a Normal delivery.
You are a ‘Not-so-Divine’ mother if you had a Caesarean.
You are a ‘Lucky’ mother if you’re firstborn is a Boy.
You are a ‘burdened’ mother is you’re firstborn is a Girl.
You are a ‘Nice’ mother if you breastfed you’re child.
You are a ‘Selfish’ mother if you did not breastfeed.
You are a ‘Blessed’ mother if you had a child within 1 yr of marriage.
But, let me tell you, which ever type of mother you are, you are the best.
You have gone through weird emotions, unpleasant days, public embarrassment and strange happenings all through pregnancy.
It is such a real struggle, that goes so unnoticed, only because you decided not to make a big deal out of it.
More than the time, effort, love and money, you have invested a lot of you’re health for this little being.
You may not realise, you may not believe, if I tell you that, your child thinks that, you are the bestest thing that has ever happened to Her/Him.
You are the Superhero in their hearts today. it may change tomorrow, that’s inevitable. But today, you are the SuperHero, and you mean the world to them.
Don’t let anyone describe how much more or less you love you’re child, just on the basis on how and when you delivered.
Always remember, when God called you to be a Mother, he did not ask for perfection or normal delivery. He chose you for the highest order of blessing.
And yes, There are only very few ‘Genuine’ mothers in this world ~ and YOU are one of them !!
A little boy’s Amma.
How to poison Mother-In-Law !!
A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
– Author Unknown !!
I am sure that story touched a few hearts like it did for mine.
I often think about stories that float around about that ‘Un Lovable’ Mother-in-law.
But just imagine,
She has already lived twice as much as you did.
She has seen the best and worst of her life.
She has dreams (just like you) for her children.
She was the queen of the house. Suddenly you come in and start advising her. Put yourself in her place and visualize how it feels.
She is sharing her precious child with you.
She is proud of you. but she never confesses it.
She actually is more proud of you that her son, but she never ever will say it.
Probably she was a single mother and gave more than her life to bring up that one life, who now calls you his life.
She may feel left behind with all you’re sudden high funda discussions. there is a gap, she feels lost in it.
She is probably smiling to herself and saying, he is my Son, I know him before you, he does not like that Green colour shirt !!
She is loud, noisy, cranky for reasons known only to her.
She will annoy you, pester you, make you question you’re existence and force you to think of storming out of the house and never to return.
Believe me, she has gone through all those days, a minute by minute of you’re anguish she knows. She has survived it. So will you.
Remember a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a Woman perfected without trials.
Probably if there was no mother-in-law, you would have never been perfected.
Her ageing soul is probably crying out to you for some help, again silently, again for reasons unknown to her.
She knows deep in her soul, you will be the person in all probability to feed her the last food.
She knows its possible to love the Man whom she raised and hate her.
She is dying a bit on the inside each time you fight with her son. And no denying she is way too possessive of him. Like you don’t.
As a young bride herself, she has faced it all, much worse in fact, and she knows exactly how you feel. But she can’t help herself.
Maybe she is not all that bad. maybe she is much sweeter than you.
Once a while sit and think about the dreams you have for you’re child.
And how you would want to breathe you’re last in his arms without a third person in between you.
Of course I am not denying the exceptions of Mean Mother-in-laws.
But hang in there ..
This one woman, spent her energy, time, money and memories to make the man you are living with now. If at all he is any good, it is because of the mould his mother made and the sacrifices she did selflessly.
I would like to finish this post off with a Beautiful Quote from Ayelet Waldman,
“I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity.”
A little boy’s Amma.
It would easily be the Hypocrisy of the highest order, if I deny my secret dream or wish, that I was born a Boy.
More than once, I have had this secret wish.
When I was a child, maybe around 10yrs, when my brother was given the privilege to roam around and I was told I belonged to the house.
When I was a teenager, when I did not understand multiple happenings around me, and when my brother did not bother to be bothered about anything, and still roamed around the streets.
When I couldn’t wear shorts to the Theme Park.
When I couldn’t talk standing at street corners with friends.
When I couldn’t leave the house whenever I wanted and came in as I pleased.
When I couldn’t be least worried about how long my skirt was and when my brother loitered around the house topless.
Probably there were so many other things I was denied as a Girl Child, and when I look back, these things hardly matter to me now. They were passing emotions.
But there are some moments that are adamantly sitting on my memory lane. Those moments I really wished I was a Boy.
Like the one instance, I was (eve) teased by random school boys, I couldn’t do anything but run as fast as I can. I would have been an Olympian if only I had put in more effort.
Like the other day in bus, when I was still 12 yrs old, and a couple of classmates with me, and we were again (eve) teased. yet again silenced by fear.
Like that moment when my relative told my Appa, why would you need to spend so much on (just) a Girl’s education.
Like that, annoying rule, when everyone agrees that, girls need to talk slowly and keep opinions to themselves.
Like that Embarrassing TV Ad, where only ‘fair’ girls got good jobs and ‘Fair’ boyfriends.
So many more, that I have lost count of them.
But yeah, I still wish I was Born a Boy, not just for walking around topless, but for many more. I did promise myself, that one day when I have a Boy Baby, I will impose my ‘Dream Boy’ dream in him.
Like, I want this boy in my lap,
To step aside and let his female companion board the bus first.
To open door for her.
To resist the thought of abusing or teasing a woman and to run hundred yards away from that scene instead of making her run.
To tell his mom, that no one cares, if she wears short skirts 😀
To assure his mom, that he is not the nightmare in a teenager girl’s life.
To say NO to racism of any form.
To think he does not belong to the Stronger Sex.
To embrace the victory of his Lady.
To ‘not’ post inappropriate content in social media.
To fight hard the urge to be a bully.
To be ignorant to the thoughts of shaming woman and her body.
So much more, so many more.
The future belongs to the Mothers of Boys to make this world a better place.
Being a mother to a boy has made me discover so many untouched layers of my soul.
Boys are not always a Bully; They are what their mother’s create them to be. Tiny Gentlemen !!
The calling is for Mothers with Boys.
Mother’s of tiny Baby Girls, a wise word for you “Just relax”.
You will know very soon that, Boys are sweet, Boys are Kind, Boys are Strong, Boys are Humane, Boys are Angels.
A little boy’s Amma.
I always wished all of my Childhood, that I was a Single Child.
Or I wanted an elder sister.
But my Big Brother irritated me like hell and I made sure I irritated him twice as much.
I wished I was a Single Child so that I got my parents undivided love, and lots of chocolates that I dint have to share.
Oh yea, so, he was my brother. So what ?? what else does he mean to me?
I’ve had lucky friends with brothers who were extremely sweet like angels.
But my brother, was so terrifying. His hyperactive soul played pranks with me every other second, he laughed at my falls, never picked me up, never hugged me, never patted me, never asked me how my day was.
He never walked me to school, never helped with homework or help me choose a dress. Never complemented how I looked.
Our mother has to 1st whisper and then shout loudly ordering him to wish me happy birthday.
He made a formality Christmas wish and a disappearing New year wish and a no wish Easter.
He walked 10 steps away from me; Disowned me every opportunity he got.
Of all these, the most irritating thing he ever did was, to call me names I never liked. Not just in house, but middle of the streets.
I used to runaway from him.
Who wants a brother like this. You might, but not me definitely not me. I even wrote anonymous letters to some Christian Preachers to pray for my brother to like me 🙂
That was probably I did not see what was coming.
Days flew, and years rolled by, but for one particular day, when my whole world was shaking beneath my feet and I was being chewed by the jaws of fate, there stood my irritating and unlovable brother wiping tears like a 5yr old standing at the feet of my Father.
He still dint hug me, he still dint wipe my tears, he just let me sob as we both soaked not just in tears but unexplainable love for the very first time beside our Dad’s coffin.
He sat right across Dad’s coffin in the Church, comforted by his beautiful wife, I looked at him rather stared at him to realise what was born that minute.
It was not really our Dad who died that day, But love was born after 30yrs of being mere siblings.
What if I did not have a brother. I would have been standing there right in the middle like an orphan, begging around with pitiful eyes, to carry my Dad for his final journey.
No I did not need anyone. None of you. For I have all of the worlds Strength & Love put together in one Soul called ‘Asir’, my beloved Anna.
every time I saw his face that day, the more convinced I was , that dad did not ‘just’ die yet !!
He stood tall that day, on that very important day and virtually hugged me and my baby as we held on to hope like a thin rope. He was my SuperHero.
I can even go a step further and feel its sometimes my dad that just spoke to me through my brother. that’s him, that’s him.
Hey he was just a brother in the past, now and forever a father.
I still have some friends who have brothers who don’t even give a second look after marriage, who have parted ways after the death of their parents.
I know of some siblings turned strangers turned foes for the love of so called “wealth’.
As I think back, all I can remember is, I have never hugged my brother, I have never asked him about his Sports Day, I have never complimented him, I have never tried to understand his world.
I was so selfish all along my childhood.
If I had taken the effort to move closer to him and made friends with him, my life would have been less dramatic. Yes ofcourse I would have broken a few bones in that process 🙂
I wish I could travel back in time and make up for every lost minute with you Anna. But yes, life would have been less interesting that way 🙂
For each of us, there needs to be a sibling standing tall shoulder to shoulder. Not just for hugging and kissing but also to hold on tight when everything else crashes down.
When I get old, when my parents die and my kids fly away, I would like to sit in peace and sip that hot cup of coffee and rewind all the good old memories with my brother. Our beautiful home, our grandparents, our parents, the amazing legacy they have left behind.
When I look at Baby Ved, I feel this gentle nudge to get him a sibling.
When I am gone and his dad becomes a sweet memory, the only other person who will pick up his pieces and strengthen him will be his sibling.
We all need a sibling to laugh, love, care, share memories, fight, get hurt, get back on track, to cherish memories and to walk hand in hand as one body one soul.
Many friends may come and go, parents may die one day and children go far away, but my Brother you will stand with me forever in memories after all we shared something so special, our Mother’s Womb.
For me this can be the Bestest relationship for anyone.
A little boy’s amma.
The Ignorant 1st 4 weeks:
Never had the faintest idea that I was going to be a Mother. Life was business as usual. Random thoughts like “What if this is the month” to weird thoughts like “No way”. I kept brushing off the Angel voice that kept whispering “Good News on the way”. I eventually found out that I was 4 weeks through and took some time to sit down and let the feeling to sink in “yes I am actually pregnant” and did not understand how far I was.
The Indecisive 5+ weeks:
With positive tests and a lot of blood work, I started the journey of “Road Less Travelled”. More blood work and uncontrollable excitement marked my days and anxious nights. Cautiously walking, eating slowly so that not even a crumb of bread hurts the tiny one in my tummy. It sure was an exhausting experience for a first timer.
Almost felt light like I always felt, sceptic dreams gave me chills, fearing the worse, what if all this was just an illusion.
The non-existent 8 – 20 weeks:
As I was excited to go through the procedures to hear the Heartbeat of my co-occupant on a set date, I was informed of another heartbeat that stopped. I was told that my Dad breathed his last as I went through the crucial ‘make or break’ week of pregnancy. My world blacked out at that very same moment I knew my little one had a heartbeat and a rhythm to it. I wanted to be unaware of what happened around me.
For a thousand moments I wanted to give-up. Because that will help me to cry out loud the least. But this bothering little thing inside my tummy, did not even give me the freedom to do my basic right. I was angry. I was frustrated. But least did I know that my very reason to breathe another second and live another day was this little ball like foetus. I would time and again, gently lean over and say “Baby, please hang on and don’t give up like Granpa”. That incident bought down my human existence and pride to nothing. Life and death not in my hands. Here I am holding my dad’s mere lifeless body in my arms and same time I have a little life developing inside of me. I am not sure, if I should be proud of this moment, of my strength to endure this moment. Here I am welcoming a new life and bidding adieu to another. When I look back I am so thankful to God for creating me a woman to experience this.
Though I wouldn’t have wished a slow and painful death to dad or to anyone, the least a daughter can ask is a ‘good-bye’ and not a humiliating disappearance. I froze, time froze, days froze, dreams froze, my future froze, I crashed into the moment and held on to the little hero in my tummy as I travelled back to my in-laws place all alone to resume back, what people called ‘normal’ life.
Heartbeat – check; Nausea – check; stupidity – check, more nausea – check, heartburn – check, sleepless days and nights – check; swollen feet – check; growing tummy – check; Somersaults -check . But every nausea and vomiting and hospital admissions for Hyperemesis was a sign that I was carrying a Hyper- active bundle of Joy. No regrets whatsoever. Worth every little discomfort.
25+ weeks I regained some sense and lost a little with Bed rest:
Baby V had always kept me on my toes, not just running for nausea, but frantic hospital trips for ‘Slow movement’ to ‘no movement’ & counting kicks per hour, days just flew by. Confined in bed, I never felt alone. Moments I wanted to give up, nights I sat up & sobbed, my tiny unformed baby would gently nudge me inspiring in ways I cannot imagine. It was like, “mom I am there”. I dared not give-up and that marked the beginning of my maternity leave.
The reassuring 30+ weeks:
Anytime, anyhow, I was prepared for labour for I knew from now on I will carry my baby to birth. Yes you read it right. I admit that I had my own fears about it. Oh every momma has it. For I know as premature as he may look, we can save him. Yes again you read it right. I had a strong feeling it was going to be a baby boy. A Happy Christmas weekend it was with the people I loved the most. Every second anxiously waiting for the so called ‘labour pain’ or the much hyped about “false labour pain”. None came. I still walked around with a tummy full of baby 🙂
The 37th week – I knew it was today or tomorrow:
For I know the most memorable and the day I will cherish forever will be this week. Not because I am a fortune teller but my gyneac told me so. It was a planned delivery. The day came as fancy as it can be 15.1.15 and out came baby Ved, crying with a heavenly tone which I was sadistically happy about and wanted to hear it over and over. He looked like my dad. He looked like my future.
I admired him, I adored him for countless milliseconds before he was gently tucked away.
My dad was right, he dint lie, when he promised me, that he will be there with me forever and ever. Yesterday as a dad, for today and forever as my Son.
Dreams, dreams and nothing but dreams:
Dreams of how beautiful my baby would look. The long locks of baby hair he would have. I imagined and painted infinite pictures of my baby. Of how tall he will look like my granpa, and those funny ears like his dad. All said and done, I negotiated with God big time for baby V to have the same Angelic smile my dad had. I dreamt on setting no limit for myself.
But the moment I saw baby Ved for the very first time, I was hit hard and filled with shame for all my dreams and the below quote aptly defines it,
“God’s Blessing will put you Best Dreams to Shame”
Baby Ved looked nothing of what I Imagined, but everything of God wanted him to be.
Fashioned by the Master’s loving hands.
A word of Thanks to people who don’t expect it:
To my docs, to the kind hospital support staff, to my best friend Mr K, to that colleague who let me take that window seat, who gave me way and offered to carry my laptop bag, My managers, to that kind bus driver who waited till I crossed the road and the warm smiles the strangers gave me when they saw me struggling with a big tummy. For everyone who prayed for me, encouraged me, my friends who kept me sane, My brother my greatest pillar of strength and finally my family and extended family for pitching in and providing that amazing support. And yea this note would be incomplete without mention of Baby V’s Daddy Cool who chose to keep quiet during my anxious moments. Trust me it helped a lot. He is one amazing personality who can make a lot of difference by just sitting around and not saying a word. Amazing presence.
2 important lessons I learned during pregnancy:
Through many dangers, toils and snares we have already come, this Grace that’s bought us safe thus far and Grace will lead us home.
A little boy’s amma.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this treasured child of mine. Although you have entrusted him to me, I know he belongs to you. Like Hannah offered Samuel, I dedicate my child to you, Lord. I recognize that he is always in your care.
Help me as a parent, Lord, with my weaknesses and imperfections. Give me strength and godly wisdom to raise this child after your Holy Word. Please supply what I lack. Keep my child walking on the path that leads to eternal life. Help him to overcome the temptations in this world and the sin that would so easily entangle him.
Dear God, send your Holy Spirit daily to lead and guide him. Ever assist him to grow in wisdom and stature, in grace and knowledge, in kindness, compassion and love. May he serve you faithfully with his whole heart devoted to you.
May he discover the joy of your presence through daily relationship with your Son, Jesus.
Help me never to hold on too tightly to this child, nor neglect my responsibilities before you as a parent. Lord, let my commitment to raise this child for the glory of your name cause his life to forever testify of your faithfulness.
In Jesus’ name I pray.
(A prayer from A mother found in the Internet)