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What do I dedicate to thee, Dear Appa ?!

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“Margarita Mamun dedicating her Olympic Gold to her Father who died just days after her Glory” was one of the best videos I saw today.

The emotions of Ms Mamun warmed my heart. It felt good. Her dad in heaven sure must have rejoiced.

I can never complain that I did not have enough time to dedicate a glory to my father.

I spent full 30 years with him, enough time to make him feel proud of me a hundred times. But I never did. He never complained. But I never did. But again he never expected.

I never studied well, to dedicate Scholarships to my Appa.

I never fared in Sports to dedicate Gold Medals to my Appa.

I never ever did anything that would bring him any glory.

For all that I did to him, he graced me with such love and faith , that will shame me to my grave. Yes, that’s the word. He gave me the greatest gift a Dad could ever give. He believed in me.

He loved me so much, that even after his passing away, I live only for his love.

His love is interwoven in my nerves, in the core of my heart. Such extraordinary love for a commoner like me. I was a commoner in my eyes, but for Appa I was his world.

If not for my Father. If not for that love and faith that did not expect any dedications or honours or the least a mention of his Child’s greatness, I would have been nothing today.

But I will Appa, I will dedicate.

Dedicate, few moments of Kindness that you always inspired me to.

Dedicate few hours of Prayers of Thankfulness that you always practised.

Dedicate some forgiveness that you would love to see me do.

Dedicate a lifetime of humbleness that defined you.

For you were a Father who accumulated a lot of wealth for me. Wealth called Love,  simplicity and Education.

You took pride in a very simple disorganised little girl for her imperfections.

You picked up the broken pieces of your failed daughter and moulded her to be the woman she is today. You did not give a chance to look out for Inspiration. You were the Inspiration within me.

You looked through an Imperfect Soul and rejoiced in it instead of ridicule.

I was just a little Glorified Nothingness, that you adored.

Probably that’s all I needed to survive.

And that gave me a little more confidence to live and succeed.

Finally, I will dedicate my Motherhood to you. I will try and be the father like you.

And will leave footprints in Ved’s life, just as you did in mine, Footprints of love and grace.

We will make every small moment count in glory and dedicate our well spent life to you.

Pris,

A little Boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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There are only very few ‘Genuine’ mothers in this world ~ Sadly !!

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I happened to hear a bizarre statement a couple of weeks back, rather I was told that,

Mothers who had Natural Childbirth or the so called ‘Normal’ delivery are the ones who love their children most.

Seems like only ‘those’ women knew what ‘Real’ pain is !!

Astonishingly this declaration came from a Woman… who further added that the labour is the most intense pain ever and you will know the value of the baby only if you delivered naturally.

I was like, Uhh !! Umm!! well not really .. I had a C-Section, and I love my Son, more than all of the love put together in this world.

This is not just one Bizarre Statement, that float around… there is more to this, like,

You are a ‘Divine’ mother if you had a Normal delivery.

You are a ‘Not-so-Divine’ mother if you had a Caesarean.

You are a ‘Lucky’ mother if you’re firstborn is a Boy.

You are a ‘burdened’ mother is you’re firstborn is a Girl.

You are a ‘Nice’ mother if you breastfed you’re child.

You are a ‘Selfish’ mother if you did not breastfeed.

You are a ‘Blessed’ mother if you had a child within 1 yr of marriage.

But, let me tell you, which ever type of mother you are, you are the best.

You have gone through weird emotions, unpleasant days, public embarrassment and strange happenings all through pregnancy.

It is such a real struggle, that goes so unnoticed, only because you decided not to make a big deal out of it.

More than the time, effort, love and money, you have invested a lot of you’re health for this little being.

You may not realise, you may not believe, if I tell you that, your child thinks that, you are the bestest thing that has ever happened to Her/Him.

You are the Superhero in their hearts today. it may change tomorrow, that’s inevitable. But today, you are the SuperHero, and you mean the world to them.

Don’t let anyone describe how much more or less you love you’re child, just on the basis on how and when you delivered.

Always remember, when God called you to be a Mother, he did not ask for perfection or normal delivery. He chose you for the highest order of blessing.

And yes, There are only very few ‘Genuine’ mothers in this world ~ and YOU are one of them !!

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

The ‘Un-Lovable’ Mother-in-law !!

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How to poison Mother-In-Law !!

 

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.

In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”

Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.

Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”

– Author Unknown !!

I am sure that story touched a few hearts like it did for mine.

I often think about stories that float around about that ‘Un Lovable’ Mother-in-law.

But just imagine,

She has already lived twice as much as you did.

She has seen the best and worst of her life.

She has dreams (just like you) for her children.

She was the queen of the house. Suddenly you come in and start advising her. Put yourself in her place and visualize how it feels.

She is sharing her precious child with you.

She is proud of you. but she never confesses it.

She actually is more proud of you that her son, but she never ever will say it.

Probably she was a single mother and gave more than her life to bring up that one life, who now calls you his life.

She may feel left behind with all you’re sudden high funda discussions. there is a gap, she feels lost in it.

She is probably smiling to herself and saying, he is my Son, I know him before you, he does not like that Green colour shirt !!

She is loud, noisy, cranky for reasons known only to her.

She will annoy you, pester you, make you question you’re existence and force you to think of storming out of the house and never to return.

Believe me, she has gone through all those days, a minute by minute of you’re anguish she knows. She has survived it. So will you.

Remember a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a Woman perfected without trials.

Probably if there was no mother-in-law, you would have never been perfected.

Her ageing soul is probably crying out to you for some help, again silently, again for reasons unknown to her.

She knows deep in her soul, you will be the person in all probability to feed her the last food.

She knows its possible to love the Man whom she raised and hate her.

She is dying a bit on the inside each time you fight with her son. And no denying she is way too possessive of him. Like you don’t.

As a young bride herself, she has faced it all, much worse in fact, and she knows exactly how you feel. But she can’t help herself.

Maybe she is not all that bad. maybe she is much sweeter than you.

Once a while sit and think about the dreams you have for you’re child.

And how you would want to breathe you’re last in his arms without a third person in between you.

Of course I am not denying the exceptions of Mean Mother-in-laws.

But hang in there ..

This one woman, spent her energy, time, money and memories to make the man you are living with now. If at all he is any good, it is because of the mould his mother made and the sacrifices she did selflessly.

I would like to finish this post off with a Beautiful Quote from Ayelet Waldman,

“I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity.”

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

 

 

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Friends Forever ?? ~ A reality check !!

At least once in your life, little Ved, you are going to meet that one person, who will prick you right through your eyes and laugh at you, that, Friendship was one big joke – But don’t believe him yet !!

More than once, little Ved, you will come across that one person, who will stand by you through thick and thin and restore your Faith in Friendship – Call him your Best Friend !!

There will also be a person, who hugged you during good times and vanished during tough ones – Don’t forget the painful lessons he left behind !!

And then will come a friend, who will hang around until money lasts – Run 10 steps away from him !!

Followed by another, who will show up until the last day of your life, until the memories last – Cherish Him !!

Another will walk in and pose as your bestest friend, but don’t fall for him yet, he will be there only till your Popularity lasts – don’t entertain him !!

Then will come this guy, who will be right beside your sick bed, breathing new Promises for the Future – don’t let him go !!

When your parents fail you, this little lad will cry together with you as if he lost his own – Call him Brother !!

He will not have any money, he will not look glamourous, but he will give his life for you – In gratitude, give your life back to him !!

And then she will walk beside you, like a Beautiful Poem, making heads turn and gossip mills spinning – Just ignore all of that, for I, your mother knows, she is your Best friend !!

And then this friend, who before your even realised, snatched away your girlfriend, don’t cry over them – sit a couple of minutes in silence and let her go !!

A friend can make you or break you beyond repair.

Your mom has been very lucky to have very few friends, who have literally spent half their lifetime with her in a constructive way. as I close my eyes, all I can see is a life well spent with them.

Then a negligible few, who have taught the uglier side of life.

And I will also admit that I have not reciprocated many of the friendship invites that came my way.

But you Baby Ved, be wise in choosing your circle. I pray that you end up with people who will shape you and not crush you.

Be around with people who don’t always have to agree with you, with a different opinion, else you will never know the other side of life.

Having said all this, if once in your Lifetime, you meet people, who have robbed you off your Friendship, Surprised you with their ugliness, and scarred your tender heart beyond words, I plead with you, don’t lay there disappointed.

Bounce Back Ved !!

For you always have a Friend for life, who does not always understand your Boyish stuff, who is not as pleasant as your father, who says more don’ts than anyone, who stalks you each second and keeps a tab on your communications, who pokes her nose and wants to know all about your relationships, because she cares for you.

And you call her Amma. We have been together from day 0. And we were born together, you as a son and I as a mother. And I promise to be there for you, forever.

Pris,

A little boy’s Amma.

1

Single Child ? Anyone? I always wanted to be one !!

I always wished all of my Childhood, that I was a Single Child.

Or I wanted an elder sister.

But my Big Brother irritated me like hell and I made sure I irritated him twice as much.

I wished I was a Single Child so that I got my parents undivided love, and lots of chocolates that I dint have to share.

Oh yea, so, he was my brother. So what ?? what else does he mean to me?

I’ve had lucky friends with brothers who were extremely sweet like angels.

But my brother, was so terrifying. His hyperactive soul played pranks with me every other second, he laughed at my falls, never picked me up, never hugged me, never patted me, never asked me how my day was.

He never walked me to school, never helped with homework or help me choose a dress. Never complemented how I looked.

Our mother has to 1st whisper and then shout loudly ordering him to wish me happy birthday.

He made a formality Christmas wish and a disappearing New year wish and a no wish Easter.

He walked 10 steps away from me; Disowned me every opportunity he got.

Of all these, the most irritating thing he ever did was, to call me names I never liked. Not just in house, but middle of the streets.

I used to runaway from him.

Who wants a brother like this. You might, but not me definitely not me. I even wrote anonymous letters to some Christian Preachers to pray for my brother to like me 🙂

That was probably I did not see what was coming.

Days flew, and years rolled by, but for one particular day, when my whole world was shaking beneath my feet and I was being chewed by the jaws of fate, there stood my irritating and unlovable brother wiping tears like a 5yr old standing at the feet of my Father.

He still dint hug me, he still dint wipe my tears, he just let me sob as we both soaked not just in tears but unexplainable love for the very first time beside our Dad’s coffin.

He sat right across Dad’s coffin in the Church, comforted by his beautiful wife, I looked at him rather stared at him to realise what was born that minute.

It was not really our Dad who died that day, But love was born after 30yrs of being mere siblings.

What if I did not have a brother. I would have been standing there right in the middle like an orphan, begging around with pitiful eyes, to carry my Dad for his final journey.

No I did not need anyone. None of you. For I have all of the worlds Strength & Love put together in one Soul called ‘Asir’, my beloved Anna.

every time I saw his face that day, the more convinced I was , that dad did not ‘just’ die yet !!

He stood tall that day, on that very important day and virtually hugged me and my baby as we held on to hope like a thin rope. He was my SuperHero.

I can even go a step further and feel its sometimes my dad that just spoke to me through my brother. that’s him, that’s him.

Hey he was just a brother in the past, now and forever a father.

I still have some friends who have brothers who don’t even give a second look after marriage, who have parted ways after the death of their parents.

I know of some siblings turned strangers turned foes for the love of so called “wealth’.

As I think back, all I can remember is, I have never hugged my brother, I have never asked him about his Sports Day, I have never complimented him, I have never tried to understand his world.

I was so selfish all along my childhood.

If I had taken the effort to move closer to him and made friends with him, my life would have been less dramatic. Yes ofcourse I would have broken a few bones in that process 🙂

I wish I could travel back in time and make up for every lost minute with you Anna. But yes, life would have been less interesting that way 🙂

For each of us, there needs to be a sibling standing tall shoulder to shoulder. Not just for hugging and kissing but also to hold on tight when everything else crashes down.

When I get old, when my parents die and my kids fly away, I would like to sit in peace and sip that hot cup of coffee and rewind all the good old memories with my brother. Our beautiful home, our grandparents, our parents, the amazing legacy they have left behind.

When I look at Baby Ved, I feel this gentle nudge to get him a sibling.

When I am gone and his dad becomes a sweet memory, the only other person who will pick up his pieces and strengthen him will be his sibling.

We all need a sibling to laugh, love, care, share memories, fight, get hurt, get back on track, to cherish memories and to walk hand in hand as one body one soul.

Many friends may come and go, parents may die one day and children go far away, but my Brother you will stand with me forever in memories after all we shared something so special, our Mother’s Womb.

For me this can be the Bestest relationship for anyone.

Pris,

A little boy’s amma.