8yrs to this day, I realize, Reji was not really the man of my dreams !!

Errmmm, yeah if you have not still got it, its our 8th wedding anniversary today.

Nope, not taking a day off. Whats changing anyway.

Its all the same, stress crowding our thoughts, the religious hi and bye and the talks that mostly centered around Ved. Its almost come to a point, that we’d go topicless wihout Ved, worst case we might not even initiate a discussion leave alone date nights.

We are getting there. getting to become that watsapp group with just the two of us talking only through pings.

We are in our prime years. In careers, in health, in relationships, in stress. We are busy making a life for Ved while quietly losing ours.

But you know, this wasent the case 8yrs back this day. It was our Wedding day. Whole of India was celebrating it. It was Diwali 🙂

Such an auspicious day. Whoever should have been there, could have been there, possibly had a place in my heart, were there that day as the sacred thread made its twists and turns on my trembling neck.

A Malayali Nair boy and A Tamil Christian Ponnu, we looked like a match made in heaven. We shined together in our differences. Right from food to language to landscape.

He glowing in his Pattu Shirt and Mundu. He looked a million dollars or even more. He was smiling through the ceremony, i dont know why. Maybe because he thought he wouldint be smiling much after marriage. But yeah, he walked away with every compliment possible in that wedding hall.

this could probably be one wedding where the groom outshined the bride. I looked so off stage, like it wasent my wedding at all. Although my wedding did not happen the way i dreamt it from my teenage, am so grateful that it happened with the right person.

these classic lyrics – I might have been in love before, but never felt this strong – dosent fit well for anyother except me.

It was strong. It was meant to be.

I was bathed in the limelight of new bride and enjoyed thouroughly. not long enough.

You see, the downside of my upbringing was to see things through my eyes.

The world danced to my tune till in my fathers house. Not any longer. Suddenly i dint even have a tune.

And I had a roommate like,forever!!

We have loved, lived, lied, hit rock bottom, pulled outselves up, fixed each others broken tears, seen our loved ones die and held out helpless hands.

We have also thrown tantrums, banged our fists in the air, thought this will not work out, regretted immediately cause we know no one else could put up with our idiocity.

Our careers have threatened us, we have been penniless, people around have stared at our success, we have had cold childless nights staring into an empty sky, We have been handed out hopeless medical reports, we have vowed to stick together even if we dint have a child, we have prayed together for a Blessing, we have been blessed.

We have stayed uncountable nights awake while i was pregnant, we were holding our hearts out on the day I gave birth to our Child. He was the last person I saw before entering the labor room and the 1st to greet me while i regained consiousness.

We loved our families. Our families loved us.

He introduced me to more books and his classic film choices.

He was parenting Ved much much better than me.

He thinks i am closer to his parents than him. which is not true. I am so jealous of the unexplainable love Mrs Nair has for her son. He love for my husband has only made our wedded life better.

He mostly reads when he is free, rest times he is busy reading. He can go hours unnoticed and invisible in a pile of books.

Excellent command over Malayalam and English, his raw love for this little Kerala and this land has stunned me.

Its a bliss to watch him water the plants in our backyard, singing softly ‘Njyan oru Malayali, Ennum  Mannin kootaali. Mannanu Jeevan, Manilaanu Jeevan ‘. He wouldn’t trade his Sundara Keralam for the treasures of his  world. Iam fine with it. it sounds like Appa to me. who loved his land like no one els.  

He tells me not to over pamper Ved, not to hug him and sleep, not to make him cry for evrything, not to grant all his wishes, not to kiss him often, not to take too many selfies, not to over protect him. i just stare back in protest each time. Because he is the one who does all of the above.

Marriage definetly is not made of sunshines. It is in those chaotic days, When every bit of energy is drained down, when there is absolutelty no purpose and lots of regrets and what ifs.

Its in those love lit eyes, its in that endrendum punnagai moment, its in sharing that final piece of cheese omlette and letting your own dreams die to give life to anothers.

No superficial love lines only strong genuine hugs.

You are not a man of my dreams Reji. I could have possibly never had such a beautiful dream like you. You are a class part of all the beautiful dreams I have ever had. 

Heres to these 8 and many more by the grace of almighty.

Thank you Reji for not holding my hands in public, Thank you for the denied PDAs, thank you for not making even a single Facebook post about me, thank you for forgetting your Facebook password, thank you for not keeping our pictures as wats app DP. 

Thank you for sitting beside Ved on his sick days while I was out on work assignments. I know it’s illegal to thank you for Ved . But just keep it. Thank you for those egoless selfless moments when you told me of how proud you are of my role as a working mother. Thank you for letting me pay our bills and loans. Thank you letting me be the woman my Appa wanted me to be. Thank you for subtly hinting on how to put back my broken life after appas passing away. Thank you for letting my dreams shape up.

Thank you for listening those words I never said on the days I lost Appa. thank you for holding me in your arms and our unborn child in your heart. That you for understand postpartum and a tired new mother. Thank you for carrying us nine months and beyond. Thank you for understanding hormonal battles.  

Thank you being through rough waves, miss communications or no communications thank you for lending out to cure my wounded heart. Thank you for just hanging around. 

We will still fight, we will forever stick together, we will laugh at those moments that threaten our togetherness, we will make a beautiful world for Ved.

Thank you for being my choice in all of the whole wide world. 

Pris.

 

 

 

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