It’s Happy Birthday to us !!
We were born together;
He as a Baby, I as a Mother.
On 15.1.15 @ 8:52 AM, the doctor called out, ‘Priscilla, It’s a Boy Baby’ and my life came to a full circle.
Those words, just did a mass wiping of all things bitter and sour and I could visualize, people, and events that marked all things negative leave my heart and mind, as I geared up to come in skin to skin contact, with the most precious ever miracle of mine.
Exhausted, pained, bleeding, pinned down, cut open, bruised, poked, I lay there on that chilled table, in that chilled labour room, with only the upper part of my body functioning.
It also meant my heart and brain were fully functioning to record these events, the events that I will carry to grave and beyond.
As he cried, as they wiped him, as they picked him up, as they brought him closer, as my heart began to beat faster, I battled a hundred thousand emotions.
The Heartbeats were louder and faster, but I was familiar with that sound.
It was the same sound, I heard, on the day I sat in the closet at our home, holding the Home Pregnancy Kit in trembling hands, as I cried away as the sole witness to those 2 Pink Lines. The day God looked down and called me ‘Blessed’ and whispered that the wait was over.
It was the same sound, I heard, as I walked into the Church on that Tuesday Morning, with every step taking me closer to the mortal remains of my Appa. I stumbled and shivered and blabbered like a drunkard man, as thick tears blackened my vision, walking in to face the ugly reality of life of losing not just a parent, but a part of my soul and the person who loved me the most.
Today, yes i know, its the same Heart beat, faster louder clearer and I could feel my paralysed, needle poked hands sweat. This time around, I was walking into the most blemish less and glorious moment of my life, to hold a just born baby. My baby. The unadulterated me. the purest me. The Angelic me.
They bought him closer, really close, and with the corner of my eye, there I saw my dear Baby Boy, like an Angel, clothed in white, descended from Heaven, still crying, with the cry that replenished my empty heart and soul.
I lay there sedated.
I woke up to a wiggly thing, cuddling up right next to me and as the nurse guided him to latch on, he touched my face and I filled his baby fingers with tears and whispered in his reddish ears, ‘God Bless You’. Ah the divine smell of a new born, the smell that melted me and gave me wings of joy. I flew far away into the heavens, into the Heavens of me and mine.
As I held him for the 1st time, I was carrying my future, my dream, my blood, my love, my blessing, my Rajnish and my whole world in my arms and as he drifted into baby sleep, I was still staring at him, unable to come to terms with the life changing event that has just happened in my life.
And there I Promised to him, to bring him up in the same legacy of my forefathers, with humble beginnings, and will make all his dreams come true.
And from that moment, he became, Ammavin Jeevante Jeevan.
2yrs later, today as I sit here, sleepless, overwhelmed, I’ve got tears, with each drop filled with thankfulness.
Thankful to Lord Jesus, for turning on the climax, right when I thought it was all over and for winning all my battles.
Thankful, that I got to hold my Dad again in my arms.
Thankful, that I get to nurse the Dad, who nursed me all his life.
Thankful, that the sweetest baby boy in town, lay in my lap as my Son.
Our lives and house have never been the same.
Toddler Tantrums & Cars flying alike. Rooms filled with baby smell including the baby boy peeing on every corner. A typical exhausting and eventful day with our daily toddler Prayers to imitating Kabali to admiring Nivin Pauly (Ved’s fav) to uncountable selfies in a day.
From being a fluttery fetus to a stubborn breech baby, we have conquered it all.
Happy 2nd Birthday to us Dear BabyVed.
15.1.15 ~ the day when the Star Shone the brightest in my life.
A little boy’s amma.